Over a Month Later Still Very Little to Say Besides a Few Pretentious Metaphors

I apologize to you, my minimal viewers who are all friends of mine and don't even read this, (why do I keep writing? My guess is my odd sense of narcissistic masochism), that I have not updated in so long. I have had many thoughts on what to update about and have meant to tell you so many things, but alas. I am lazy.

Though in my defense I do have a job, a social life (shudder,gasp! "In Fresno???"), a(nother masochistic) desire to frequent the gym, and a long list of to-do's which include apply for 5-6 different grad schools, 4-5 different major scholarships, begin outlining my senior thesis, and make sure that I am listening to at least one podcast a day and reading minimally 7 plays a week (thank you, Dr. Y for those last few requirements on my time). And to top it all off I met someone on Saturday (to keep a long, over told story short, things with MC did not work out so well) and now I have this ridiculous (and totally typical of me) urge to think about him more than is necessary and answer his many text messages. Damn you, Fate! Just when I am ready to sever ties with this wretched city I call my hometown, you throw another, unexpected noose around me in that shape of my greatest weakness - a charming, nice, good-looking member of the opposite sex.

I suppose my complaints are futile, though, considering there are many out there who are less fortunate than me who would cry "Were I only that employed! That busy! That connected to a man! That well-connected that I would even consider graduate school!" were they forced to partake in reading or listening to my troubles.

And so I continually trudge through life - that slow march of the exceedingly blessed victim, who is simultaneously so often unaware of their good fortune and so in love with misery that they have the gall to complain about their small troubles, frittering away their right to good fortune.

Update on a Sadly Un-Updateable Life

To bring to a conclusion all of the drama of the boy trouble from my last blog, I am happy to give you the following news, my dear followers (who now number in the 3's! Woo-Hoo!).

CB: Have not hung out with him and thus have avoided the problem of having to explain that I am not into him! But have kept up Internet contact so am not a completely terrible friend
JB: SO over him. That speech? Probably BS to try to get him laid. Have no plans to try to get into further contact with him. Done, done, done, done, DONE!
MC: Yep, when I went and visited LA, he is the one I hung out with. Boy do I got it bad. We talk a lot online and whatnot as well. The amount has gone down a lot lately because my computer recently came down with a virus and thus I am forced to type this on the family computer. Ugh. But I digress.

Further updates: I have a sexy job working at Bright Laundry Service and today got my uniform (bright purple and green polos)
I'm turning 21 in 18 days
I was in LA last weekend and did way too much driving
JC is leaving Fresno for Navy Boot Camp on Monday which makes me sad
My computer has a virus
I am officially in LOVE with the new BBC version of Sherlock Holmes

Yeah I think that's it. Sorry I don't have an profound musings for you today. And after so long with nothing. I promise that my next review will be more interesting <3

Tom, Dick or Harry?

Not this that this should come as a surprise to ANYONE but here it is again: Boy trouble! Well not really trouble. Just options. Because, you know, there can never only be one guy at a time. Its either 0 or 2+ which means options, which makes things difficult and fairly complicated :/

To be honest though, there are only 2 this time. Harry is more of a friend problem - I'm starting to think that CB is developing feelings for me now that I am back in Fresno because we've been friends for so long and most of his other girl friends and love interests have moved away. We've always had kinda one of those relationships where we could cuddle and it wasn't a big deal (or so I thought anyway) and then we hung out on Friday and he kept trying to kiss the top of my head and was more flirty than usual... Danger zone. Hopefully that will be one those problems I can just skirt by  with subtle hints. It HAS worked in other cases so... I could be lucky. Right?

But back to Tom and Dick (or JB and MC to be more precise). First, on graduation night JB asks me to get dinner next time I'm in town after giving me this long-winded (granted, intoxicated) speech about how he wanted to ask me out during this last semester but was so busy and didn't think he could be a good boyfriend (which I'm pretty sure is bullshit since he was only taking 6 units and I definitely saw him at a few BTP parties but whatever). And, as much as I hate to admit it, I REALLY liked him at the beginning of the semester so as soon as he said some of these things my stomach flipped over a little bit. Against my wishes. So, not as over him as I thought.

THEN there's MC on whom I have developed a crush over the course of the semester due to many facebook chats and a failed attempt to hang out in a hot tub (long story - its not as skanky as it sounds, I promise). And according to RK, he told her that he wanted to ask me out before I left but then chickened out at the last minute. Also, since I have been home, he has facebook IMed me 3 times. Also a plus - he hasn't graduated yet. Only thing that doesn't fit is that he's not my "usual type" I guess - he's not outspoken or overly charming. He's just SUPER sweet.

Unfortunately both of these gentlemen are still in LA where I desperately wish I could be. But cannot due to the fact that living down there would have made me poor and jobless. Especially since I lack the ever-important car. However, I am going down (fingers crossed) in a 2 weeks for a graduation party. The question then is, whose attentions to pursue? Tom? Dick? Both? Neither?

Long story short: Men suck.

My Life in Media aka I have been Watching WAY too much "Scrubs"

Just to make sure we have this out in the open: my brain works in weird ways. And thus I think oddly. I know this may be a shocker to some of you, but it really shouldn't.

That fact settled I can now tell you the following and you might be less surprised/weirded out: I view my life as a romantic comedy. Or as a movie in general. But mostly a romantic comedy. Not the good juicy part in the middle, where you're gripping your pillow tightly and dropping popcorn onto your lap as your eyes are glued to the screen because you just can't look away due to either a) a boatload of sexual tension or b) a moment where the heroine appears to be making a huge mistake and you can't help but wonder (even though you totally know how the movie is going to end because, lets be real, its a romantic comedy and they ALL end in a similar fashion) "Will she? Won't she? Please end up together!" No, so far my life is a like the beginning of a romantic comedy; the part where the heroine has just been established as the protagonist to root for. There is no romantic hero yet, or if there is, the heroine doesn't quite yet know it. Either he's just a friend or perhaps she hates his guts (or so she thinks, but really that hate is just a poorly recognized desire! The heart fighting the mind, etc.). In this particular romantic comedy (i.e. mine) the beginning has been going on for... wait when did I hit puberty? Oh yeah, almost 9 years (only 2 more months till I'm 21!). No romantic hero in sight.

Obviously this is not the healthiest way to view my life. While it is sometimes entertaining to play out scenes in my mind as they should occur("Why hasn't he called?" Cut to hero staring at the phone, turmoil in his eyes, because he is unsure if his love will be accepted. Timidly he picks up the receiver, dials and says "Hi, I was wondering... Would you like to ugh.... *insert boring activity to cover up the fact that he actually wants to ask her on a date here* tonight?") , rather than how they actually occur ("Why hasn't he called?" "Probably because he doesn't actually like you and the fact that he tried to kiss you at that party only means that he wanted to get some." "That's completely illogical. Men suck." "Welcome to Earth!"), it's also probably psychologically unhealthy. It gives one false expectations/hopes and that's never fun. But I  like to think that when my hero does show up, his arrival is going to be twice as awesome because of my view on life as a RomCom! And our happily ever after moment is going to be so much cooler than everyone elses.

But lately, I've started comparing my life to other things. Specifically the TV show "Scrubs." I know! Just as strange and awkward. But really I do think its a better comparison and probably a healthier way to view my life as it is, in a way, more realistic. For example, the characters go through multiple relationships; we see what happens after the couples get together. They also don't stop growing after 90 minutes and suddenly come to a realization about life that happens a little to quickly - it can take them years! By which I mean whole seasons - like when JD kept going after Elliot! It took him 3 seasons (i.e. years!) to figure out that he wasn't in love with her!

Plus also, romantic comedies don't include characters inner monologues like "Scrubs" does. Seriously I can totally relate to JD! I muse on, like, everything. Except I don't think I get an awkward looking into the distance look on my face like he does *insert look here*. Do I?

Although granted this new analysis of my life may be slightly... colored(?) by the fact that I have been marathoning "Scrubs" since spring break. Usually watching at least one episode a day.

Sometimes it really sucks to be single...

... I know being single is for the most part good - you're not tied down, not worrying about anyone else, you're living your life! And like I said all that is great.

What sucks about being single though is that there is no one around to satisfy any sorts of... carnal urges. I suppose there is always the random hookup/one night stand, but as someone who recently decided to try to give those up in order to avoid a reputation for sluttiness, I think it best to refrain.

So the question remains - what to do? What to do? Suffer for the most part. I suppose I could go out and find some poor fool  that I don't actually like to date for a while but then I just have this darn conscience telling me that that would be wrong. And so the sufferings of the single girl will continue until... God knows when.

I Hope the World isn't Coming to an End

And I do not mean that in a figurative sense. Between the natural and political disasters that are going on lately, it almost makes me start thinking seriously about that Myan prediction of December 2012 apocolypse. Before the start of this year my usual reaction when hearing that story is "Don't you think that maybe when the Myans were drawing up that calender, they got 4,000 years ahead and thought 'This is pretty far in advance guys. Let's take a break and come back to it in a few thousand years.' But before thye got around to starting up again Spanish Conquistadors showed up, killed them off, and took thier stuff.

But as I said, lately the bit of my mind that worries and prepares for the worst is looking at the political unrest in like every other Middle-Eastern country, the disaster that has been Japan for the past month (not to mention that natural disasters in Haiti and various other third world countries that were just following non-stop on each other's footsteps for the past few years), and the weird stuff about dead fish washing up on beaches everywhere and is saying "Hm... maybe there's something to this." Which is absolutley terrifying.

And also I really don't want to die before I lose my virginity and at the rate things are going, if the world really does end in 2012 I so am.

Why I Hate Music or "The Cake Will End up Crazy"

My poor blog! I have ignored thee for so long. And at this point I have probably lost the two followers I have tried so hard to gain! Sigh...

But on to what really matters: le subject! (I doubt that that is actually French for subject, but hey it sounds cool, right?) Songs. The really, REALLY bad kind that get stuck in your head. There's nothing worse. Because it's never a good song that is stuck - that wouldn't be such a tragedy. It's always the really annoying or just plain bad or somehow unpleasant songs that set up residence inside your cranium and refuse to leave. Like squatters. Also you end up humming or singing them to yourself without even noticing and then someone else hears you and either a) makes fun of you or b) gets angry at you because now the song will be stuck in their head.

If you couldn't figure it out by the dedication of a blog to my complaining, I  have a song stuck in my head. Two, in fact. They've been there since Monday and somehow even the constant playing of other, more entertaining, and sometimes excessively odd songs like "Sweet Transvestite" cannot replace them! I blame my comedy class. In order to make some point, which I have forgotten since these songs are taking up all the decent thinking capacity, my professor played that stupid "Friday" song by Rebecca Black and some random mash-up that involved a song from that kids show "Lazytown." It had something to do with cake.

And see? That's even worse! I don't know the lyrics to either of these songs, so there's like one or two lyrics from each just playing over and over and OVER! So while I am trying to write this blog and a final American Lit paper on the changing use of the image of Nature all I can think is that I have to "do the cooking by the book" and that I "gotta get down on Friday." Both statements to which I can confidently answer with a nice, resounding DUH.

Just One More Late Night

Yes dear now sort-of existent readers, I have another midnight to 4 shift working the front desk at one of the Sophomore residence halls. And this one is unfortunately much more lonely than the last one - ie no one wants to visit me. Although it could be worse - I could not have this computer and thus no chance to talk to you lovely people which we all know is a delightful creative experience. And I could be lacking in the first two season of Scrubs which RD turned me onto and to which I am not COMPLETELY addicted. And if I get tired of that I even have the latest Jim Butcher paperback. And coffee. Lots and lots of coffee.

I apologize for my lack of presence the past week - the first week back from a really relaxing Spring Break is of course a difficult one. I have a paper due Monday that's only partially done, a showcase for 2 of my new plays tomorrow (and I have to be up at 9 after working till 4... ugh...), and will probably have to do ALL my homework on Sunday which will make me very sad.

Let's see.... what else can I tell you about? Honestly this week has not been all that interesting (unfortunately?) to the outside observer. For me it hasn't been all that bad - not the best week I've ever had by any means, but not necessarily bad. Well tonight before my shift I went to a "Broadway on the Rocks" party at my friend EA's apartment which was a delight. I only rue that I could not stay longer.

But other than that... there's not much to say. I feel like lately I have been fairly good at providing some sort of themed blog; something that may be all over as is my style, but with some kind of focus. But not today. I'm just trying to stick to that once-a-week writing thing. And theres nothing that's really been haunting me or in need of expression lately. Sooo... I leave you now with the random assortment of thoughts that is listed above.

Cheers.

PS I still think this four foot stuffed penguin back here is alive. And for those of you who don't read this regularly as you should, I named him Rufus.

Texting Revelation

I know that as a child of the 90's and as part of the generation that grew up with computers, TiVo, and cell phones smaller than a dollar bill, I probably should have figured this out long ago, but I always was a late bloomer. And  there's probably that whole I-knew-it-subconsciously-but-never-actively-thought-about-it vibe in play as well, but whatever. My revelation : texting is a most exceptional medium of flirtation!

Really! Just think about it - you don't have to worry if you are sending off the right body-language signals that people are always talking about in magazines (I only read them sometimes! Stop judging me!), you don't have to have a come-back all set up - you can take a few minutes to think of clever responses, and you have a record of you conversation RIGHT THERE so hours later you can peruse the messages with your girlfriends and analyze the whole thing. Additionally you can flirt whenever is convenient for you! No waiting to run into him on campus or at a party. Or if you, like me, are on break and are thus separated from your attempted flirt-ee by about 250 odd miles (or more. Or less.), you don't have to let time and space stand in your way!

So seriously, how did you older generations get along without texting-flirting? I guess you could have called your intended flirt-ee. But in today's day and age, that can be taken as "forward." And calling people is scary - it implies all sorts of desires about dating, which can be a touchy subject when just getting to know a person. With texting there's time to test the waters - check how responsive they are - before you get up the guts to ask them on an actual date (insert scary music and crashing lightening in the background).

Granted there are draw-backs - lack of human contact means that you can't actually analyze the guy yourself - just like he can't analyze you. Emotions don't translate as well to texting (unless you have a wide emoticon vocab - which I don't because for some reason my phone refuses to text parenthesise and semi-colons - and even that isn't always flawless) and like I said, people can take time to get back to you - so you don't know if he's actually that witty or if he's getting coached by one of his more suave male friends (or perhaps knowledgeable best female friend, as the case often can be - or so I hear).

But despite the drawbacks, I think text flirting is an excessively useful tool. And yes, for those of your who don't  know me (which thus far is none of you), the reason I am inspired to blog about the pros and cons of text-flirting is because someone did ask for my number recently and for once actually used it. AND he's not a creeper! I know - how often does that happen right??? I won't give you the details though so that way, if and when nothing works out, you'll forget that I wrote this post and not ask me "So what happened to..?" and thus not open up the poorly stitched together hole in my chest that is sure to be there after my heart has (once again) been torn brutally from my chest and stamped/squished into the cold pavement of rejection.

Ok, it won't be that bad. I just like be hyperbolic. And using big words.

The Best Birth Control...

... is baby-sitting the youngest children in my extended family. Now I love my little cousin, but oy vey does she have lungs. Trying to put that girl down for a nap is like trying to give an angry baby tiger with a bullhorn a bath. While on fire. And trying to keep her interest in one toy for more than 5 minutes is like trying to get a schizophrenic to perform a Shakespearean monologue.

I hope that what you drudged up from these metaphors is that looking after 6 month olds for an extended period of time is HARD! And tiring. I was at that house for 6 hours and despite that fact that she took a nap I still didn't get the reading done that I had planned on (which I should probably be doing now actually....). Granted this little girl is FREAKING ADORABLE - the biggest little rolly-polly pudge that you ever did see. And she does occasionally make an adorable giggling sound and smile. But when she is not happy... Let's just say I am SO not read for motherhood.

What I Learned Today

Today I did something that I have not done in a really, really long time. Absolutely nothing. I have been watching movies since 5pm, after sleeping in really late, going shopping with my brother and MS, and sitting around. While at first I felt guilty for my massive lack of activity, somewhere during movie number 2 (which was "About a Boy" for anyone who might be curious) I realized that I never do nothing. And considering the fact that I will spend the next 5 days being productive in some respect this was probably a more or less healthy thing for me to do.

Granted, I don't want to make this sound like I am an insane workaholic. That's only part of the time - but my extracurriculars and social calender also get in the way of the nothingness that I achieved today. While those latter activities are of course very fun they can also be very physically and emotionally draining. I have spent the first half of my semester going non-stop between school and activities, averaging 6 to 7 hours of sleep a night and 1 hour naps during the day on rare occasions. And even before that, I was abroad and when I got home it was a whirlwind of getting caught up with dozens of people and getting ready to head back to school.

And so I learned - every once in a while you just have to do NOTHING and let your brain turn into mush.

With that happy thought I shall now hit the hay and get LOTS of sleep and wake up tomorrow ready to be productive again (hopefully).

I'm At Work and Have Nothing To Do...

... Well that's not completely true. I should probably  start reading "The Moonstone" by Wilkie Collins for my 19th Century British Novel Course, but that's not due until after Spring Break. The procrastinating college student in me smiles with glee while the I-must-get-everything-done-ahead-of-time personality that I have lived with my whole life is shuddering. But obviously not that much since I am here writing a blog to my 2 newly acquired followers (thanks guys for making me feel loved and like I am no longer talking to an empty void!).

Speaking of school - as some of you may know I am currently enrolled in American Literature to fulfill one of my major requirements and we recently finished reading excerpts from Harriet Jacobs' "Incident from the Life of a Slave Girl" (the title explains it all). At one point near the end of her book where a friend of Harriot's purchases her freedom she makes a comment about the receipt of sale and how "It may hereafter prove a useful document to antiquaries...future generations will learn from it that women were articles of traffic in New York, late in the nineteenth century of the Christian religion." What an interesting thing that she realized - a document about her would be and is now a historical artifact. It got me thinking about the future of my possessions - do I have anything "21st century" enough that it will be held onto by SOMEONE somewhere and changed into a historic artifact? My jewelry? My clothes? My homework assignments? My Coach heals of which I am so proud and keep in immaculate condition? Lord knows I have enough journals, scrapbooks, and various memorabilia to inform a whole historic society about the workings and events of my life (sad or impressive - you decide).

But then, who doesn't have this excess of memorabilia anymore? I mean just look at us - look at Facebook. Our entire LIVES are recorded for the world to see - I'm proving that very fact at this exact minute by informing you of my latest musings and how I don't feel like doing my reading assignments! If archaeologists of the future can just keep a contemporary Internet system afloat there will be TONS of information for them to research and utilize when 2011 becomes a time long past. In fact, archaeologists might soon be out of a job (and by soon I mean in like terms of the universe - rather than in terms of our lives) considering how exceedingly easy it will be to find information regarding a 21st century society and its various happenings.

Super weird to think about, right? I just hope that when some of my personal effects end up in a museum of 21st century America, the tour guides are able to pronounce my last name correctly since I won't be there to correct them.

Excited for Nothing

Oh my lovely invisible readers who follow me from the realm of my imagination,

I cannot tell you how excited I am to go home for Spring Break and have absolutely NO plans and do NOTHING but sleep and catch up on work and drink wine with my parents. I keep hearing all these exciting things about people going to Vegas, Cancun, Miami, etc, but for once I am actually really not at all that jealous. I mean, sure all those things would be great fun! But they would also wear me out and would cost money (the false idol I must currently worship so that I can build up my checking account to a decent place once more).

MS is coming to stay for the first weekend back home, but like I said - we have no set plans. Except maybe go shopping. Yeah. I think there will definetly be some shopping.

But until then I unfortunately have a paper that needs editing, some articles that need reading, views of 19th century women that need researching and a party that needs attending (ok that last one isn't going to be difficult but hey, its something I gotta do before I leave LA for 10 lovely days). But on the bright side, I have gotten a lot of stuff done, including an American Lit final, the draft of said paper, AND various other reading assignments. Go me. I am my own cheerleading team.

The Unfairness that is Life

Ok, still invisible alter-world audience who does not actually exist, I know life is not fair. I have been consistently reminded of this fact since before I can remember. In fact one of my dad's favorite phrases is "Life's hard and then you die" meaning of course that life's a bitch - get over it now. We all know, we all hate it, but we deal with it.

But let's be real pretend-audience, we all WANT life to be fair and when it's not, we get annoyed. Especially when its the type of unfairness that is somewhat within the control of those around us - ie when unfairness is caused by our friends, teachers, parent, other relatives, etc. And here comes the bit where I complain of the unfairness in my life this past week:

Case of unfairness #1: The Case of JJ (see last blog for various discussion/description of this individual)
I asked him to Crush Party last Saturday - almost exactly one week before the day. Considering that no one had asked him yet I assumed that my other sorority sister did not in fact like him, as I had originally conjectured. When he said yes I was happy. Cut to approximately noon of the next day and I get a phone call from JJ asking me if he can back out of going to Crush Party with me because Other-sorority-sister-who-apparently-actually-does-like-him asked him mere hours after myself. He tried to be gentlemanly but it was obvious the love-struck puppy was just dying to go with this other girl. As a gracious person I assured him that I understood and let him go. While part of me understands his feelings, another part of me (the part that has been bombarded with lessons in etiquette since the young age of 11) feels slighted and angry at this, lets face it, less than polite behaviour. But to be real - if I knew he was pining for some OTHER girl the whole night and if he spent his time with her rather than me I would have been miserable. But its still unfair. Sigh. (However, there is a good side to this - I asked SZ from 19th century novel to go with me and he said yes - huzzah!)

Case of unfairness #2: The Dr. Y (female version - not the Dr. Y who teaches playwrighting and whom I'm just a little bit in love with) and Criterion.
This is my third year, and due to my impending early graduation, final year on the Criterion staff. I love this magazine - I did everything that I could as a lowly reviewer the past to years to assert and prove myself. I have always done everything required of me and have been on the staff the longest (even longer than the current senior editor!!!!!) with the exception of RD. But of the two people who have been on the staff the longest, who doesn't get promoted to Associate Editor (the level between Reviewer and Senior Editor). If you couldn't by the title - that would be me. I have petitioned multiple times to be promoted, stating all me reasons AND I have taken on extra responsibilities this year and have done just as much, if not more work, that some of the other Associate Editors and certainly FAR MORE work than my current "fellow" reviewers. Example - I spent an hour sending individual rejection e-mails to the students whose work was not chosen for publication when I could have been working on my latest play. But apparently NONE of that matters to Dr. Y. And so my work goes ungratified with the simple title it deserves. AND I am taking a class from Dr. Y so I have to like her.

And that invisi-audience is my life is unfair.

On the plus side I have decided what to name the penguin behind the Rain's Front Desk - I call him Rufus!

The Girl Who is Up Even After the Partiers Have Come Home

Yes my yet to be existent readers - that girl is me. Because I recently got a job as a front desk manager at one of the residence halls here at my lovely university. Why, you ask, would anyone take such a boring job where one sits around for hours on end with little or no responsibility until about 4 in the morning on a FRIDAY night? Because someone (ie me) just got back from Study Abroad London and therefore has very low funds and sitting around to make sure random strangers don't waltz into the building pays very well. And lets be honest - I've been sitting behind this desk for about 3 hours and so far I have played Uno, gotten homework done, had multiple entertaining conversations and now get to update this lovely blog for my faithful, infinite, and invisible audience. So for $10 an hour its not too bad. And its not like this missing out on Friday and Saturday nights will become a habit. There are plenty of people to trade shifts with AND we get to set up our own schedules (kinda). So its a good use of my overabundant work study $$$ as far as I am concerned.

And an additional bonus - the people watching is delightful. I silently (or when I have someone to talk to - thanks for the visits RD and MS!) judge just about every person who walks through the door. Whether on thier slovenly drunkness, lack of manners, slutty outfit, or mating-like behavior, I make a comment on it to someone. Even if that someone is myself. So if you're not a friend of mine, beware walking into this building. You are ALL fair game.

One odd thing though. There is a 4 foot tall stuffed penguin that lives behind the desk with me. Which is... odd. Why would you put a large stuffed penguin back here? Why does the building even own a stuffed penguin to begin with? I'm pretty sure I saw it blink out of the coroner of my eye at one point, but that could just be sleep deprivation. And despite the fact that it could be a living stuffed animal, I have developed quite a fondness for this penguin in the 3 short hours that I have been here (1 more to go!). I'm not sure what to name him yet (because let's face it - I have a compulsive need to name everything, including my sword and surfboard - who are Roderigo and Baby respectively, for anyone who is curious). But I am sure it will come to me with time. I will, after all, be here for a few more months. And possibly for part of next year.

But to move onto to other more interesting topics since I have time to kill and no one actually reads this yet so I do not have a fear of making these posts too long.

BOYS! If you know me at all, this topic should not at all be surprising. So I have decided to invite JJ to Crush Party next Friday, but I am affeared that he might like this other girl in my sorority :/ Awkward? Maybe. Especially since I know for a fact he had a crush on me LAST spring and I kinda sorta not really turned him down. Let's be real though - EV had JUST dumped me and I REALLY liked him so I was a little bit broken for a while - especially since he almost immediatly started dating one of my Delta Zeta sisters. Additinally I was going abroad anyway and JJ was a freshman then. (Yeah I kinda can't believe I just said that either, but hey it mattered last year - silly? Totally). We went on one "date" at the Lair (does that even count?) and we had a really great conversation and I enjoyed my time, but I also hinted that I wasn't interested. It took him a while to get it, but eventually he stopped texting and calling me. Of course NOW I have a crush back on him. Ugh. Dear God, are you trying to teach me some kind of lesson?

MS was at a party tonight, which JJ was also attending and she apparently told him to keep Crush Party night open. Apparently he hasn't been asked yet, so maybe that other Delta Zeta doesn't like him... I guess I have a chance. And we have seen each other a few times this semester and he seemed as friendly as ever so I guess we'll just see where this goes.

Also having to do with guys, I had a dream about AE from London last night. In which we were in love and I hadn't left the country yet and he went on about how much he loved me but we weren't going to work out but he just wanted me to know so that in case I ever came back to London we would have a complete understanding of each other even if we were no longer in love and had moved on. Unfortunately (or actually more like, fortunately) that didn't actually happen when I was in London. But DAMN that dream, because it made me go back and look through my London pics (again) today and there was much sighing and bemoaning of "love lost." Yes, color me melodramatic. It happens. But part of me wonders if I really do miss him (and SR from London for that matter) or if the fact that I have been dreaming about London people for the past three nights is just making me super nostalgic. Probably the latter. Either way I resolved today to get rid of the picture with me, RD, AC, and the London boys as my computer background. It just brings back lots of memories that probably don't need reminescing right now.

On the bright side! I was deathly ill (I say with some hyperbole) on Tuesday and was not feeling 100% the rest of the week - until today! Thank GOD for HC, who basically played my nurse this week. I cannot remember the last time I was that sick. Shoddy british flu jab.... One never quite appreciates health so much as when they are feeling like shit.

But I guess that's everything interesting that's happened this week. Wish me luck in my ventures with boys. Because with my history I actually feel like I need it.

Cheers.

Hit the Ground Running

Hello STILL non-existant followers,

Well as you can tell, LMU has kept me more than busy. I have NOT kept up with my goal of once a week posting. But then I blame homework, my soulmate MS, Betas, and various other happenstances that keep me from doing something as inane as record my life and thoughts for the invisible computer people who don't even read this or know that it exists. But moving on!

A lot has happened: MS is now one of 3 Beta sweethearts (of which I am TOTALLY jealous because I am a little bit in love with about half of Beta's graduating class), she's seeing a guy named Jonah, I have a crush on SZ who I hadn't seen for a year until we randomly found out that we had a class together, my mom has tried to convince me  to consider working for the foreign service rather than going to grad school (which I am determined to rebel against because I had an easy life as a child and never felt the need to rebel and it is coming out now for no reason other than all young people need to rebel at some point in thier lives - or thats what pop culture has lead me to believe), I have met up with Dr. Y to say hello and discuss my future, I have written papers, decided that I like some Austen, gotten drunk a few times, gone through recruiment, made stupid choices, made good choices, found out that my final for Comedy class is a stand up routine in front of the whole Living Room, and most important of all I have found out that I am most likely going to be graduating early.

I cannot describe to you the fear that was instilled in me the first time I figured out this last fact out. Never have I been so smote with gut-crunching bisbelief and terror. Not for college, not for study abroad, not for comedy stand up. Nothing scares me more than realizing that life as I know it is going over in less than 11 months. It's amazing the difference 6 short months makes on the overwelming thought that soon I will have to make a decision about HOW TO BEGIN THE REST OF MY LIFE. Granted, early graduation at this point probably means nothing more than moving back to Fresno for a few short monthes to apply for absolutely every scholarship, internship, and job that might just barely tickle my fancy. But still. Scary shit, man.

However despite the horror that looms over me whenver I think about my possible future I have grown somewhat fond of the idea. For the first time in my college career I  feel like a real adult. Which is silly because I am still doing very immature things like talking about boys, staying up too late gossiping with my girls, getting drunk with my friends and worrying about what to wear for the next formal event. And yet there has been more than one occassion where as I stroll alone across campus thinking that my Year of Lasts has begun (last recruitment, last time figuring out housing, last Crush Party, etc.) I can't help feeling so God-damn adult and well... to be kind of honest... badass. Like I am coming into the world and so far it is accepting me with open arms.

Will it all be as simple and fun and sexy as my silly, pampered, romanticized mind makes it out to be? Hell no! (Unless by some stroke of unfathomable luck I win the lottery or meet, fall in love with, and marry the prince of some distant, quite European country, but both of those options look quite unlikely at his point). Still theres a part of me that feels ready to be going through this stage of my life.

Then again, ask me again if I still feel that way next December when my pending graduation is practically upon me. I am sure the answer will be quite different.

Yes I'm still here

Dear Still Currently Non-Existent Readers,

See I told you I wouldn't be blogging every day. But did you listen? I honestly don't know because currently you do not exist. Can non-existent people listen? Am I spelling existent wrong? The world may never know.

So my semester has started (hence why I ignored you for a while) and unlike in London I actually have f-ing tons of work to do. But as we all know work is for sqaures. Don't get me wrong - I've been doing a lot of it. But I have not discontinued the drinking patterns that were developed abroad. Go me! Always so damn healthy.

I'd give you a run down of my classes but if you are reading this, you probably really do NOT care.

Currently I have no exciting stories, nothing to complain about, no boys to moon over, and no experience to exalt. All in all a pretty uneventful if enjoyable week. Give me another 24 hours - I'll be bitching about 6 hours worth of recruitment practice. ^_^

Nothing Better to Do...

Dear Currently Non-Existent Viewers,

Don't get too excited. I won't normally be posting these excessively witty, written Polaroids of my life every day. It's simply that I am on that wonderful thing called Winter Break and I don't normally have a full day's work and I didn't have any plans other than get various chores done so I have time in my evening.

As I said today was not particularly interesting or exciting (keeping committed to my previous blog statement!), but I thought I might take a little time to introduce myself in more detail.

My real name, if you don't all ready know it, is none of your business. I am a third year university student studying at LMU. I am in a sorority (Delta Zeta to be precise), but am not an alcoholic, blonde, a barbie, a drone, or a slut (I know just proved SOMEONE's stereotype wrong). I write plays, poetry, and occasionally chapters for novels that will in all likelihood never be finished. I like boys (perhaps a little too much) and am a Catholic (there go more stereotypes). My political views are slightly left of center (but only slightly). I believe in love and miracles, but am ruled by logic. I like theatre in all its forms and have participated in it in almost every form imaginable. And I own a sword (I call it Roderigo). What can I say? I'm a little old fashioned.


Hope you enjoyed this introduction. For those of you who don't know me (which so far is everyone and no one - eat your heart out, paradox) there is more to come. But I am lazy and am trying to figure how to make myself sound more interesting than this. Probably with embellished recounts of my encounters with the world (or maybe I should just save the embelishment for my good friend AC). Or at least that's my hypothesis. We can prove it wrong when I have some encounters. Which knowing me, probably won't be until my return to LMU - ie one week.

A New Year, a New Hobby

Well hello 2011... and any readers that you might bring with you (although I am not hopeful),

Recently I've been doing some thinking - I'm a writer (always have been and always will be) but unlike more writers I do not have a blog. In the past I always thought the idea was a bit pretentious. I mean let's be real, who is going to care enough about some random strangers life to want to read about it? And continuing in this vain of honesty, my life isn't all that interesting to the outside observer. Know how there's that saying "If someone wrote a book about your life, would anyone read it?" Frankly, no. I'm not saying my life sucks - quite the contrary in fact! I consider myself exceedingly blessed; I have a wonderful family that loves me and isn't dysfunctional, I have amazing friends who stick by me, I am more or less intelligent, go to a great university, am part of the best sorority on the planet, and according to Dr. Y I have a very promising future in the world of playwriting. It's a great life, but particularly interesting? No. Sure there's some occasional boy drama (ok more than occasional...) but nothing completely out of the ordinary. And unfortunately none of it has caused my facebook relationship status to change from "single."

So if nothing interesting happens in my life, why write a blog? I all ready have a private journal to satisfy my need to write and recount the enjoyable if not fascinating parts of my life and just TALK about ME.

Well as I said, I'm a writer. This is what I do. Unfortunately, however, I am very bad at sitting my but down and being disciplined and productive. My goal for the New Year is to get better at that. I am determined to write in this blog on a weekly basis if only to keep up my skills and practice being witty. Pretentious? Completely. Self-centered? Totally. Practicle? I think so. Hopefully my weird need for attention will spur me to stick to this goal.

Oh yeah thats another reason why I never started a blog in the past - I LOVE attention. I'm not crazy - I don't steal people's limelight and I try really hard not to talk about myself too much. I keep myself under control. But I always try out for plays, am first to volunteer for karaoke (even though I'm not that great), volunteer to talk in class (also because I like discussions and other people are lame and don't). Basically I do not need another outlet for seeking attention. But I have a solution. I do not plan to advertise this blog. I am going simply write for me and whoever else discovers this and finds it insightful enough to follow. As if...

So that's why I have this blog. I won't claim to have a theme or plan for what I am going to write about. If I'm honest boys will probably come up a lot. In addition to being an attention whore I am also a little boy crazy. But there there is no set goal other putting words to page (or screen as the case may be). So whoever you are out there reading this I hope you enjoy. Welcome to my life.